How Childhood Experiences Shape Attachment in Adult Love
- Farshid Rashidifar
- Apr 15
- 2 min read
Updated: Apr 16
By Farshid Rashidifar (MSW. RSW. Psychotherapist)
April 12, 2025
Some clients come to therapy confused by how reactive they feel in close relationships. They may describe a sense of constant tension, withdrawal, or hypersensitivity—without a clear understanding of where it comes from. Often, these emotional patterns are not rooted in the present relationship, but in an earlier one.
Early relational trauma, especially from childhood maltreatment, has a way of showing up in adult connection—not as a memory, but as a strategy. A strategy for survival, for staying safe, for avoiding disappointment.
What I’ve seen repeatedly in therapy is this: the nervous system remembers the past even when the mind does not.
Adult romantic partners may find themselves confused or overwhelmed by their own responses:
“Why do I get so angry when they pull away?”
“Why does reassurance never feel like enough?”
“Why do I shut down when they try to get close?”
These are not personality flaws. These are protective adaptations.And they often stem from disrupted early attachment, betrayal of emotional trust, or inconsistent caregiving.
In secure partnerships, these patterns can soften—but not if they go unacknowledged. Without awareness, they can turn into cycles of conflict, emotional distance, or self-sabotage.
Therapeutic work in this space involves two parallel paths:
Repairing the original template of what it means to be close, safe, and seen.
Rewriting the story we carry into our relationships—so our current partner doesn’t become the emotional stand-in for an earlier wound.
The truth is: childhood trauma doesn't disappear with time. But with the right care, it can be reprocessed—not just intellectually, but relationally.
Because healing from childhood isn’t just about the past. It’s about freeing the present.
If this reflection speaks to you and you’re considering a deeper exploration of your own relational patterns, you’re welcome to request a private consultation.
Farshid works with a small number of clients at a time. All inquiries are reviewed personally to ensure the focus and fit of the work are aligned.
Research Note:
This reflection is grounded in clinical practice and informed by psychological research. While specific studies, data, and models are not disclosed, the themes are drawn from contemporary academic literature and reinterpreted through a therapeutic lens.
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